Being abused is not an excuse for being an abuser.
It's funny how they turn that around. They cry, "I was abused when I was young! Boo Hoo! I was abused and so I chose an abuser! I'm a victim!"
Umm, no, you are an adult and YOU are still an abuser. You are responsible for your adult actions no matter what your past. Intensive therapy does not erase the past. Apparently it hasn't even made much of a difference on the present if there is no accountability for what went on before.
Abusers are very narcissistic. Everything revolves around them and having their needs fulfilled. They can't even see outside themselves and most times think they are entitled to whatever rage they direct. They feel someone deserved what they inflicted upon others. Then, when their lives fall apart, they cry foul. They scream how it wasn't their fault. They claim innocence.
They claim abuse.
Children act out when abused. Adults have a responsibility to help them. Adults that act out, (even if abused!) should have to take the same responsibility for their actions as those who were not abused. It doesn't matter. That's right, it doesn't matter if you were abused. You still need to act appropriately in the adult world.
The objects of your abuse are left broken and shattered while you sum it up all neat and tidy under an insulting umbrella of abuse and walk away.
Have you thought about the part you played in the demise of your own family?
Oh, I forgot. You were abused. And you chose an abuser who made you a victim.
Boo Hoo.
It's like you are reading my mind. I really relate to what you post. I am a child of parental alienation and I struggle with forgiveness and guilt. You seem to speak from what's in my soul but just couldn't find the words for.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from a reader of my blog, Jessica.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to comment so that you might get a different perspective on abuse, and how badly it's effected you- even if you haven't seen, felt or recognized it yet.
I see and feel your pain. However, I know for a fact that you haven't done any homework on abuse or abusers because if you did...
your attitude would be different.
I'll also bet my kidneys that you don't even know what the cycle of abuse is all about.
All this became picture perfectly clear, when you said that the husband of the abusive wife was a poor soul.
I saw that statement as your placing all blame on the woman in that scenario.
If you truly understood abusers and their M.O. along with the profile of a dysfunctional family.. You wouldn’t make such a statement.
As dysfunctional beings.. there is an unconscious draw to surround themselves with friends or partners who can MIRROR THEIR DYSFUNCTION!
Mirror their faults, mirror their shortcomings. I once read that whatever you want to say about your ex or a friend of yours that you choose to stay in touch with.. or even one you have moved on from.. could be transposed into a major flaw that the person judging (looking into the mirror) should be seeing about themselves. That they were or are, in relation to the mirror they unconsciously choose equally as broken.
So, anyone that is the problem in a relationship by whomever is judging.. Is actually A MIRROR for the other partner, as is the complained about person a mirror for the other! With that written in stone, you might want to do some reading..
There are some awesome books out there that can explain this insanity to you.. Although I hate to be the bearer of bad news-- until we have awakened (have insight into ourselves) we will continue to paint the world according to “our childhood story”
Living the Truth. By Dr. Keith Ablow, a renowned psychiatrist - http://www.livingthetruth.com/
A New Earth. By Echart Tolle- http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/ A-New-Earth-Are-You-Ready-to-be-Awakened
Listening With The Third Ear. By Theodore Reik http://www.questia.com/read/10943126