Friday, September 24, 2010

Parental Alienation

Sometimes it's just good parenting.

Not every person who contributes to creating a child is fit to raise that child. Not even if it's the mother. As a society, we may still side with the mother in custody cases. The word "mother" evokes images of love for the majority of people. It can be difficult to shatter that image in the public eye. Difficult, but not impossible. 

Take the case of a woman who had a child at a young age and on some accounts appeared to be striving to provide for that child. She worked off the books and also illegally collected welfare from the city. She had no contact with the child's biological father. In her child's early years, there were numerous red flags pointing to the dangerous, unstable person that would later lose her children.

She had a caring boyfriend that was a father figure to her child but instead of welcoming that stability, she constantly threatened it by bizarre confrontations. The boyfriend was a good guy, but he didn't live in a bubble. He helped others, too, and had other friends. She felt insecure by these relationships. One was a platonic relationship with an older woman. She would call, threaten and harass the older woman. She even drop-kicked her one day after seeing her talking to her boyfriend. During this time, others were calling in child abuse charges against her, but none were yet substantiated.

She was not very loyal to the boyfriend (who forgave her too many times) and ultimately ended up losing him to another. This new woman was terrorized by her. She was harassed and stalked.  Her life was threatened. She was physically assaulted by her three times, one time ending up in the hospital with a neck brace. It ended up in court with an order of protection provided. This went on for a few years up until her child was about 5 or 6 years old.

About that time, she met her husband-to-be.  Poor man. He had no idea of her violent nature. Perhaps he thought jealousy flattering. He married her. She proceeded to have 4 more children with this new guy. Soon after, however, he understood. There were violent confrontations, accusations of drug use and child abuse. They separated. And, finally, a move that he apparently felt was completely necessary.

He had his children removed by court order.

Smart man that he was, he was able to keep those children away. Most are of age to reconnect if they choose to, but not one has. A job well done.

Now, she cries to others. She threatens judges and lawyers, making a fool of herself. She has found other poor souls that have had children taken away (rightly or wrongly) and has convinced them she has been wronged and can help them. She is preying on the weak. They do not even know of her violence. I wonder how they would feel if they knew? Would they still be supportive, perhaps wrongly projecting their own feelings?

Or would they realize, like I do, that sometimes things turn out for the best.

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